The Power of Gratitude

It is probably not that helpful to tell a really angry person that they are learning something valuable, but it is good to tell yourself.

If this doesn’t work, look back on past experiences that made you angry and see if you can appreciate them from a different perspective now.

Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi recommends this exercise in his book, From Age-Ing to Sage-Ing, which explores how people can harvest their life experiences and turn them into wisdom.

He recalls his own painful experience of getting fired from his first congregation by someone whom he had spent a good deal of time helping. “For years my mind flashed red with anger whenever I thought about this act of human injustice,” recalls Schachter-Shalomi.

Eventually, however, he realized that many better opportunities had come to him as a result, giving him much more influence than he would have had if he had stayed in that congregation.

“If my so-called malefactor had not fired me, I would probably still be in my first pulpit,” he notes.

In a workshop, I once heard Schachter-Shalomi share that he has a thanksgiving party in his mind every year. He imagines all the people whom he could hold a grudge against and thanks them for whatever gift their actions brought. This practice helps him feel at peace.

Gratitude is a habit recommended by every spiritual tradition, as well as by contemporary science. Recent research has confirmed what humans have known for centuries—that counting your blessings really does change your perspective. It’s not just that we should feel grateful; feeling grateful changes us.

One study showed representative results. When participants were asked to find something to appreciate every day, they: