Open Heart

My family depends on me and that’s the way it should be. I like taking care of them.

Still, there comes a time when you need a little help, even if you don’t want to admit it.

Usually I’m a good sleeper. Lay my head on the pillow, and I’m off to dreamland. But one night I couldn’t stop tossing and turning.

I tried to be as quiet as possible so as not to disturb anyone in the house. Not my husband, Frank, asleep beside me, or my daughter Anita, who’d been helping out while I recovered from surgery for torn cartilage in my knee.

Something’s wrong, I thought. I can feel it in my whole body. This was more than just my knee.

I glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table. Almost midnight. Should I wake Anita? I felt guilty enough already.

She was single, entitled to a life of her own. Yet she’d been staying over nights, helping me make dinner and take care of Frank. He’d been a truck driver till he got debilitated by emphysema, and now he had a hard time just walking. He depended on me for almost everything.

Earlier that evening I’d been watching TV. There was a commercial for a retirement community, one of those places that looked like a resort. I’d stifled a laugh. When would I ever find time to retire? With Frank on disability, we needed my paycheck.

I’d worked at Braum’s Ice Cream and Dairy Store nearly 20 years, scooping ice cream and unloading trucks filled with grocery supplies. I was the assistant manager, on my feet all day.

The older I got, the harder the job became. I was 60, and by closing time I felt every single year.

Frank wasn’t the only one who needed me. Our other daughter, Juanita, and her husband, Terry, who live down the street, liked for me to babysit their three boys—my grandkids.

I tossed and turned some more. Lord, I prayed, you know I can’t afford to get sick. There are too many people who depend on me.

Usually, prayer relieved whatever ailed me. Not this time. I just felt worse—nauseated, woozy. Finally I got out of bed and limped down the hall to Anita’s room. “Honey, I think I have to go to the emergency room,” I said.