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How to unlock the puzzle of personal change
The ability to change is a central to living a successful life. We may not like it, but without constant course corrections, we can encounter unnecessary suffering.
For example, we may suddenly realize that our old comfortable habits of over-eating and not exercising have become serious problems. And if we continue on the same path, we’ll likely suffer serious health consequences.
But facing the truth is one thing, making the change is entirely something else.
More than a decade of collecting and analyzing data on personal change [1] at the Human Performance Institute [2] has helped us distill a number of practical insights that can significantly enhance your personal change efforts.
Here are seven important things we’ve learned:
1. Link change to your deepest values and beliefs.
Whenever possible, tie your desired change to your core purpose in life such as becoming an extraordinary mother to your children, a role model for your students or employees, or a generous member of your community. Connecting a stated change goal to a purpose much bigger than yourself vastly improves your chances for success.
2. Focus your effort and energy on what you want rather than on what you don’t want.
Rather than trying not to be lazy or not to eat so much, invest your energy on precisely the behavior and thinking you want to acquire. In other words, focus on eating healthy and moving more.
3. Think of new habits as laying down new pathways for energy to flow.
The more you travel certain paths, the easier travel becomes. The more recent and the more frequent the travel, the better the chance you have for successfully embedding the change in your life.
4. Most new habits require 30 to 60 days of constant repetition before they have a life of their own.
It’s important that you be as precise as possible during the 30- to 60-day transition period. Follow the exact same routine as much as possible to strengthen the connection. Exercise at the same time of day, for example.
5. Train your inner voice.
Controlling the tone and content of your self-talk represents a critical factor in successful change.
Changes in behavior require changes in thinking. Every dysfunctional habit comes with a story that allows it to persist.
The new desired habit must come with a supportive story and the master storyteller is your private voice. At the Institute, we’ve found the best way to train the inner voice is to script it by writing it out, word for word.
6. Think of your inner voice as your ultimate coach, who speaks to you with wisdom, support, courage and conviction.
Follow the script with your inner voice whenever and wherever temptation strikes. Read your new story often, with feeling and emotions.
Re-write your new story from scratch three to four times during the first 90-day period. Your new story should connect the change to a strong sense of purpose and should inspire you to forge ahead.
7. Keep a daily record of your efforts.
Remember you’re building new roads for energy to follow and some of the roads are behavioral and some are cognitive (mental). The more precise the investments and the more frequent the investments, the better.