What Can Change and Contrast Teach Us?

I remember seeing the stage musical Fiddler On The Roof when I was a teenager. I loved movies and theater, and my dad had bought season tickets to the 5th Avenue in downtown Seattle.

It was clear to me that a major theme was how daughters rebelled against their father's wishes, to choose their own happiness, rather than what tradition dictated.

This didn't strike me as very revolutionary—after all, I grew up in the '70s and '80s and completely took it for granted that women could make their own choices in life.

But of course in 1905s Tsarist Russia it was a big deal, and to Tevye, it was scary. Because things were changing, and he felt he had no control over them.

I think about the things that are a big deal now that may not be in 100 years. 

We all know change is a huge part of life, and resisting it can cause a lot of heartache.

That doesn't mean it's easy.

When my feathers get ruffled by people or events, I try to ask myself: "What am I afraid of?" I have come to believe that fear is at the root of most resistance to change—whether it is a move, a job, a change in relationship, and also the root of reacting negatively to anything or anyone who is different from us. That kind of contrast can send us into outrage, as we try to change it to something more comfortable, and feel helpless to do it.

I have a friend who recently sent me a political joke. Don't worry, I'm not going to go there! But I was immediately frustrated and annoyed that she'd sent it, since I've asked her several times not to include me in those kind of joke emails. Sure, I have a sense of humor, and support anyone wanting to improve things in the world, but I don't feel good when I participate in hate.

I took some time to cool off, so I wouldn’t blast her with anger, and then I sent her a heartfelt email, and let her know why they bothered me—that I thought fear was the basis of those jokes, and what plagued those who created and sent them.

"I understand that people are afraid," I wrote to her. "They are angry about things they don't like, and the way the world is changing, and they feel powerless. I also think they are afraid of those who are different. They are afraid of loss, of the unknown. They are afraid there isn't enough to go around, and someone is going to take something from them. Since they are afraid and express their fear as hate, they think the "other side" is also after them, and will in kind respond with hate. They feel helpless and powerless, so they rage and hate, disguised as humor, as a way to deal with their feelings."

"I think we can be better than that," I concluded, "I think I can, and I think you can, and that's why I don't like to be part of these battles."

At the bottom of these two issues—change and contrast, there is fear, but when we uncover it, shine a little light on it, maybe give it a hug, it has less power to manifest itself in a negative, ugly, and polarizing way.

I struggle with change, and I struggle with those I strongly disagree with. But how I respond is what affects and creates my world.

In this very big and very complex world, there is a lot we really can control—we can control our actions and responses, our thoughts, and we can process our feelings in a healthy way. We can create a more loving, trusting, peaceful life by focusing on love, and allowing love, from a source that's bigger than we are.  

I like to think this opportunity for conscious choosing is the lesson that change and contrast can teach us. It's a lesson I need to remember and continually work on—with a lot of help from within and above.
 

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