Would You Like the Perfect Relationship?

I loved the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, so I recently picked up The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship.

The most surprising and informative chapter for me was titled "The Perfect Relationship." In it, Ruiz compares the way you relate to your perfect mate to the way you relate to a dog.

I may be single with two failed marriages, but I DO know how to love a dog! So I was curious about his theory:

"You are not going to change a dog for a cat or a dog for a horse; it is what it is. If you own a dog or cat, think about how you relate to your pet. You love your dog unconditionally—you do your part perfectly, and your dog does its part perfectly."

"Most people can easily imagine this kind of relationship with their dog, but why not with a woman or with a man? You cannot change other people.  You love them the way they are, or you don't…why can't we allow a woman to be a woman or a man to be a man and love that human just the way he or she is without trying to change that person?"

I love the way Ruiz points out something so obvious, and yet so hard for so many of us to remember.  I am absolutely guilty of wanting my last husband to change in order for me to be happy.  Sometimes I wonder how our relationship could have been different if I had accepted him just the way he was.

For those of you who are single - if someone is not what you want, don't choose them!  Set them free to go be with someone who will love them just the way they are.  Because you deserve the same love and acceptance.  And isn't that what we all want? 

If you have already made your choice and want to make the best of it, Ruiz has advice for you:

"Perhaps you already have a certain amount of time invested in a relationship.  If you choose to keep going, you can still have a new beginning by accepting and loving your partner just as she is.  But first you will have to…accept yourself and love yourself just the way you are."

"Once you accept yourself just the way you are, the next step is to accept your partner.  If you decide to be with a person, don't try to change anything about her.  Just like your dog or cat, let her be who she is."

"Take the risk and take the responsibility to make a new agreement with your partner. Communication through respect and love is the whole key to keeping the love alive and never getting bored in your relationship."

"The goal is for the two of you to be happier and happier, and that calls for more and more love. You are the perfect man or woman, and your partner is the perfect human, just as the dog is the perfect dog."

Ruiz ends the chapter with a suggestion for a new agreement:

"You can make a new agreement that says 'I like you; you are wonderful and you make me feel so good. I'll bring the flowers, you bring the soft music. We'll dance and we'll both go to the clouds.' It's beautiful, it's wonderful, it's romantic. It's no longer a war of control, it's about service. But you can only do that when the love you have for yourself is very strong."

I'm going to keep practicing loving and accepting myself, just the way I am. And as I evaluate potential perfect mates, I will ask myself if I can love this person, just as they are, without wanting to change them. Until then, I'll keep enjoying the unconditional love I have for my two small dogs, who are perfect and lovable, just the way they are, and feel exactly the same way about me.
 

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